B to the E-zay

Someone at Anheuser-Busch R&D must have been watching Drew Carey Show re-runs. Starting this year, AB will be rolling out B to the E or "Bud Extra." Its beer with caffeine and other special extracts.

There are several ways to go with this, but the press release (linked above), caught my eye in places. Specifically, I was drawn to quotes from New Products Brand Manager Dawn Roepke. Clearly this was a release aimed more at investors than consumers.

"BE is generating excitement for Anheuser-Busch."
"BE gives today’s highly social contemporary adults what they’re searching for in their beverage of choice."
"BE is a great beverage and really showcases Anheuser-Busch’s innovative culture."
"BE goes right up against mixed drinks and will help us maintain and grow our share of contemporary adults who have many choices in today's competitive market."

Her comments led me to question. What, exactly, are "highly social contemporary adults"? A Google search on Roepke's name helped answer the question.

B-to-the-E is to be marketed toward "active 21- to 27-year-old experimenters looking for new tastes and options."

Budweiser brand representative Dawn Roepke told The [New York] Post the beer provides a quick boost pre-party and then again in the middle of the night. The Post testers consumed it constantly through the evening.

So "highly social contemporary adults" decrypted reads "young bar-crowd drunks," or basically the target market for most alcoholic beverages.

Now that we have found the Rosetta Stone of her PR-speak, we can decrypt the rest of the messages.

"generating excitement for Anheuser-Busch" - read "boosting stock prices as we speak." Unfortunately, A-B's stock price seems to be in the doldrums today.

"...what they’re searching for in their beverage of choice" - read "enough jolt to keep them conscious and drunk long past the time they normally would have passed-out."

"great beverage" - "tastes like ass."

"really showcases Anheuser-Busch’s innovative culture" - "shows we still have the know-how to create alcoholic beverages that appeal to underage drinkers."

"...will help us maintain and grow our share of contemporary adults who have many choices in today's competitive market" - "We'll get back everyone we lost to Red Bull and vodka."

I have to admit I'm a bit self-congratulatory on this, as my long-held practice of dissolving a Flinstones' chewable vitamin and an Excedrin tablet in each bottle of Bud Light I consume is finally sounding way ahead of its time.


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