The Flawless Fusillade

William Powers writes a column for National Journal called Off Message, which according to their website "examines the rapidly changing intersection of politics, media and popular culture."

His latest column, "Storm Troopers," takes a tongue-in-cheek look at the increasing popularity of the phrase 'perfect storm' in what is supposed to be political discourse in this country. National Journal is subscription, but I'm sure they won't mind a few pull quotes to entice new readers to pay up.


"Sen. Rick Santorum, R-PA., was on CBS not long ago talking [PDF] about Social Security reform. Santorum said we need reform because of 'this perfect storm of low birthrates, people living longer, and then the Baby Boom generation retiring.'

You could almost picture the storm, too, with all those birthrates and retirees swirling around inside it.

Who said great oratory is dead?

'I sometimes refer to what's happening in health care as the perfect storm,' Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., revealed in a recent speech. Eloquent, yes, but this was eloquence with a purpose... By adopting language one would expect to hear from, say, Rick Santorum, Clinton was subtly reaching out to voters on the right and repositioning herself exactly where she needs to be -- smack in the center of American politics...

...Whatever the reason, it's certainly good to have the perfect storm back. Because, really, why bother inventing new metaphors and similes? Why try to express an idea a little differently from the way it's been expressed ten thousand times before? Most of life is stale and familiar, and language should mirror this grim reality. Freshness and originality are fraudulent."


He generally takes the cynical, smart-assed tone I aspire to, and this column was a perfect sto..., I mean contained many of the elements I enjoy so.

I dropped him a note today complimenting him on his observations, and added some of my own suggestions:

"I agree that banal, clichéd, hackneyed language is the only clear way to healing the wounds that slice across our national discourse. The phrase is the oratorical equivalent of fiber in your diet. It adds bulk and weight, has no nutritional value, and leads to great expulsions of gas...

These variations can breathe new life and keep the 'perfect storm' with us for years to come:

Culminating gale,
Supreme tempest,
Flawless fusillade,
Utter tumult, and
Absolute hubbub.

But what of our relationship with the rest of the world? Our nation's nattering class needs to be reaching out to allies old and new with shopworn phrases that speak in their language. Altavista's "BabelFish" translator (world.altavista.com) suggested the following:

German- vollkommener Sturm
Italian- tempesta perfetta
Portugese- tempestade perfeita
Spanish- tormenta perfecta

I say, why stop there? Let's co-opt and drain of any cultural significance other popular book and movie titles. I think Million Dollar Baby has the potential to become ingrained in annual federal budget arguments."

He dropped a nice note back, including this tidbit:

"I received an email today from a congressional staffer who confessed he had just used the phrase in a letter from his boss to the President. The letter was defending poverty programs. The poor are battered by a flawless fusillade of economic insults, it seems."