Pain in the Neck

"Neck pain is a common problem, especially in older adults. About 50% of people older than 50 have neck pain at some time."

While only a small percentage of particularly decrepit 34-year olds suffer from this problem. F%#$ off, Web MD.

"[Neck] Spasms may even occur from an uncomfortable night's sleep... You need to stop doing the activities that cause pain until your muscle has healed."

No sleeping for the next week. Check. Time to catch up on some reading, and clear a few movies off the DVR.

"If, however, your neck is stiff in the morning and improves during the day the day, it's possible that the culprit is some underlying problems, such as arthritis..."

I know its not, but arthritis seems like such an O.M.D., Old Man Disease. See my comments to Web MD.

"Neck pain that is worsened by coughing or sneezing may be a sign of disc involvement... Chiropractic methods to increase spinal mobility and, in some cases, cervical collars to temporarily support the head, can treat such problems."

That will look pretty sweet. Maybe I can keep it on through our Valentine's Day dinner.

"Botulinum toxin type A is also used to treat muscle spasms of the neck (cervical dystonia) and some types of severe sweating of the armpits (hyperhidrosis)."

That'll kill two birds with one stone.

"Next, your physical therapist will check the ROM in your neck."

"Here's your problem, Mr. Valentine. You have the ROM chip from an old Apple IIe. The good news is we can immediately start programming your neck in BASIC, the bad news is that I'm going to have to replace your head with a monochrome monitor."


Anonymous fs said...

Anytime I have neck pain, I immediately start thinking it must be meningitis.

9:30 AM, February 07, 2007  
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